Metropolis, the greatest city in the world. At th
Metropolis, the greatest city in the world. At the skyscraper home of its largest newspaper, the Daily Planet, photographer Jimmy Olsen is shooting photos of a typically kinetic day in the life of the Planet, including sexy star reporter Lois Lane. Lois and Jimmy are introduced by the paper’s grumpy editor, Perry White, to its newest member, a tall shy bespectacled news writer named Clark Kent. Lois is initially puzzled by the man’s shyness and mild social clumsiness, and is particularly struck when the two of them are held up in a back alley by a gunman, Clark faints when the thug opens fire on Lois (the fainting is cover so Clark can catch the bullet in his bare hand, which causes the gunman to run), and in defending himself to Lois rattles off a listing of all the items in her purse.
As Lois and Clark hail a taxi, walking past them is a white-dressed heavyset man munching on snacks and carrying a copy of the Planet. The man is tailed by Harry and Armis, two undercover cops, for he is Otis, a clumsy henchman for criminal genius Lex Luthor, and he is on his way to Luthor’s secret hideout. The cops tail him to Metropolis Grand Central Station, where Harry sends Armis to get backup while he tails Otis onto subway Track 22 leading out of the station. Otis eventually finds an indentation in the underground tunnel and waits for a train to arrive. A doorway opens under the cover of the passing train, and after it is gone Harry goes to the doorway to try and figure out how to open it – a fatal mistake for monitoring the scene from hidden security cameras is Luthor himself, who activates the doorway and violently slides Harry into the path of another train.
Luthor’s sexy mistress, Eve Teschmacher, asks Lex why so many people need to die, but Luthor arrogantly and condescendingly reminds her that it is an inevitable by-product of his status as the greatest criminal mind of the latter 20th century, a status to which he takes egotistical delight. When Otis arrives in their underground lair he is reminded of his clumsiness in allowing himself to be followed again, and is thus given the less-than-glamorous task of feeding “the babies,” a gaggle of monstrous creatures in a vast pit used to dispatch intruders. Eve asks Lex why she loves him so much. Lex answers that the reason is that life with him is never boring. Lex and Eve go to their bedroom where Eve takes her one-piece dress off and gets in bed wearing nothing but her panties. Lex joins her and they have sex.
Later that night Lois Lane is scheduled to fly via Planet helicopter to Metropolis International Airport to greet Air Force One, but on the Planet’s helipad she boards the chopper and when the chopper begins takeoff, a light cable is sucked free of its bracket and in the updraft caused by the chopper snags its landing skids, breaks, and plunges the chopper out of control through the helipad’s control shed and crashing onto the ledge. As police hustle panicking bystanders on the streets below to safety Lois tries to crawl out of the chopper, but the ledge begins to crack and the chopper sags violently toward the street and Lois falls through, hanging on by a seat belt in the air.
But amid the panic in the streets, Clark Kent emerges from the Planet and notices a yellow rain hat on the sidewalk. Upon recognizing it as one Lois was wearing, he sees the stricken chopper, and while those around him run for safety, Clark keeps his head. Running to another building down the street, Clark opens his shirt to reveal his emblem and then whirls through a revolving door at light speed and transmutes into Superman.
Superman jumps into the air, just as Lois lets go of the belt and plunges to the street hundreds of stories below. Superman safely catches her and carries her upward. The chopper now breaks off the ledge and falls, but Superman safely snags it out of the air with one hand and carries it back to the Planet’s helipad. When the awe-struck Lois asks who the stranger is, he merely replies, “A friend.”
It is but the beginning, for Kal-El undertakes numerous feats of heroism – stopping a cat-burglar using gigantic magnets to scale the Solow Building, intercepting a boatload of bank-robbers, rescuing a cat from a tree, and rescuing Air Force One when a lighting strike shatters its portside engine and wing. But between the rescues and the stopping of felons, Superman also decides to have a bit of fun. At one point, he saves a woman’s car from crashing before taking her back to her apartment and having sex with her.
Watching the news about the stranger, Lex Luthor sees his arrival as a natural challenge, and the criminal warlord vows to destroy all that the stranger represents. Nearby, Eve is getting modelled in her sexy bikini. Perry White, for his part, makes discovering the red-and-blue stranger the #1 priority of the Planet and sends his entire staff scurrying to find any scrap of information about “this flying whatchamacallit.” But Kal-El gives Star Reporter Lois Lane the scoop by sending her a note inviting her to a dinner date as a way of seducing her as his next sexual conquest.
The dinner date takes place and as part of the interview, Lois asks Kal-El Where he comes from, and he explains that he was born on the planet Krypton in 1948, but was sent to earth as a baby when the planet was about to explode. She also asks him about his various powers, eventually bringing up his X-ray vision before teasing him about the colour of her underwear, Kal-El then uses his X-Ray vision to look under her dress and seeing what a sexy figure she has, he gives her a ride in the sky to seduce his prize. Kal-El returns Lois to where they kiss and Lois walks off and Kal-El follows her to her bedroom where he finds her naked in bed. He gets in bed with her and they have sex. After the sex, she falls asleep. Having claimed his prize, Kal-El flies off as she sleeps. Lois quietly dubs him a true super man – and uses the term to identify the stranger in her subsequent front-page story, “I spent the night with Superman”. Luthor reads it and remembers a scientific theory; Superman’s home world would be of a molecular construction that would be affected by the unique radiation of a yellow sun, and that meteors from Krypton upon landing on Earth would be affected to the point of emitting a radiation that would affect only Kryptonians. Luthor thus decides to put his theory to test by stealing a green meteorite unearthed in Ethiopia. Luthor’s more pressing concern, however, lies in a story that two nuclear cruise-type missiles with hypersonic speed are to be tested using live multi-megaton warheads soon. Luthor intends to use the missile test to fulfil the greatest real estate swindle in history – the detonation of the San Andreas Fault, which will collapse the Western coastline of the US (namely California and its major cities) into the ocean and thus make the seemingly worthless desert of the west – which Luthor has been secretly purchasing – into multi-billion dollar windfalls, while sending the second missile to metropolis as cover.
Luthor’s gang go to work intercepting the two missile convoys, using a variety of guises they divert attention away from effort to reprogram the missiles’ directional vectors.
Days later Clark is struck by a piercing signal – it is Lex Luthor on a radio frequency only he can hear. Luthor warns Superman that a poison gas pellet is to be released into the air and kill the city’s population. Clark sneaks away from others and jumps out a window, where he transmutes into Superman and traces Luthor’s signal to the street; he drills into the ground and is met by Luthor’s gauntlet of destruction – a wall of machine guns, then a wall of fire, finally a wall of liquid nitrogen that freezes the area. None has any effect on Superman, who bursts into Luthor’s lair and demands knowledge of Luthor’s gas pellet. Luthor lets the truth be known that it is a hoax, and guides Superman to a rambling revelation of his plan for the West Coast before revealing that two missiles are already launched upon Luthor’s plan, with one aimed at California. Luthor reveals he can use a detonator to destroy the missiles, and Superman notices a box made of lead which he assumes hides Luthor’s detonator. But when he opens it he is struck by a massive weakness, for the box contains the Ethiopian meteorite – Kryptonite, fitted to a chain necklace that Luthor drapes around him. He boasts to Superman that Metropolis is the target of the second missile before dropping Superman into his pool to drown.
Luthor, however, has made a fatal mistake, for Eve Teschmacher’s mother lives in Metropolis, and while Luthor and Otis monitor the errant missiles on their hypersonic flight, she pleads with Superman to stop the Metropolis missile first on his mission; he agrees and she strips down to her underwear and jumps into the pool, before getting the Kryptonite off him. Regaining his power, Superman has sex with Eve in the pool before blasting through the mammoth ceiling of the lair, into the sky, and on a direct course west. Superman manages to catch the Metropolis missile and throw it into space, where it explodes, just as the second missile detonates the San Andreas Fault, setting off an devastating quake that is like the destruction of Krypton all over again, a nightmare that doubly drives Superman as he flies underneath the Earth’s crust to stabilise the land and flies all across the area rescuing people amid the chaos wrought by the quake. He returns to Metropolis where Luthor and Otis are preparing to drop Miss Teschmacher into the pit of “the babies.” Superman, however, rescues her, and pointedly notes to Luthor that Miss Teschmacher’s mother sends her love.
Afterward, Superman delivers Luthor and Otis to a maximum security prison to hold him for trial. As Luthor shouts his defiance as he is led away by the guards, the prison ward thanks Superman for his good deeds. Superman humbly dismisses the praise as just his contribution to their mutual effort for the good of society.
Superman returns to Luthor’s lair where he finds his prize, Miss Teschmacher in her lingerie waiting for him in bed. “Come and get me, Superboy…” She says. The story ends with them having sex.
Superman’s Big City Blues: A Comedy
Metropolis, the greatest city in the world, was a whirlwind of activity, and the Daily Planet’s photographer, Jimmy Olsen, was snapping away like a caffeinated hummingbird. He captured the usual suspects: the bustling crowds, the gleaming skyscrapers, and of course, the ever-so-slightly glamorous star reporter, Lois Lane.
“Lois, meet Clark Kent,” Editor Perry White grumbled, pushing a tall, bespectacled, and remarkably shy man towards Lois. “Our new writer. Don’t be too hard on him, he’s a bit of a…well, let’s just say he’s still learning the ropes.”
Lois, ever the seasoned journalist, raised an eyebrow. Clark, who seemed to be shrinking under her gaze, mumbled a greeting, tripping over his own feet in the process. This was already a story in itself, she thought, chuckling inwardly.
Later that evening, as Lois and Clark were walking down a dark back alley, a burly thug emerged from the shadows, brandishing a rusty pistol.
“Give me your purse, lady,” the thug growled, aiming his weapon.
Clark, who seemed to have a knack for turning every situation into a comedy of errors, promptly fainted. He fell with a dramatic thud, knocking over a garbage can and sending a flurry of used coffee cups skittering across the pavement.
Lois, ever the quick thinker, grabbed her purse and swung it at the thug, knocking the gun out of his hand. But as the thug lunged for her, Clark, in a feat of incredible (and seemingly unintentional) agility, caught the bullet in his bare hand.
“Holy smokes!” Lois gasped, staring at Clark’s hand, now sporting a tiny, glowing red mark.
“And that’s my lucky charm!,” Clark said, pulling a half-eaten candy bar out of his pocket. He then proceeded to list the contents of her purse, including a crumpled tissue, a half-eaten sandwich, and a dog-eared copy of “Pride and Prejudice.”
“You’re…you’re a bit of a mystery,” Lois said, bewildered.
As they hailed a cab, a white-dressed, snack-munching man waddled past them, clutching a copy of the Daily Planet. This was Otis, a bumbling henchman of the criminal mastermind, Lex Luthor, and he was on his way to Luthor’s secret hideout.
Two undercover cops, Harry and Armis, were on his tail. They followed him to Metropolis Grand Central Station, where Harry sent Armis for backup. He then decided to follow Otis into the underground tunnel, a move that was decidedly unwise.
Luthor, watching the scene from his hidden security cameras, chuckled. “Foolish, foolish cop,” he murmured, activating a trapdoor under the tracks.
The door slid open as a train roared past, and Harry, being the ever-curious type, decided to take a closer look. In a flash, he was violently shoved through the door, landing directly in the path of another oncoming train.
“Why must so many people die, Lex?” Eve Teschmacher, Luthor’s glamorous mistress, asked, watching the carnage on a monitor.
“My dear, death is simply a byproduct of greatness,” Luthor said, with a grandiose sweep of his hand. “Think of it as collateral damage in the pursuit of…well, everything!”
When Otis arrived at the lair, Luthor gave him a stern lecture about his clumsiness.
“You allowed yourself to be followed again, you idiot!” Luthor bellowed, tossing Otis a bucket of raw meat. “Now, go feed the babies.”
The “babies” were a gaggle of monstrous creatures living in a vast, subterranean pit. They were notorious for snacking on intruders.
Eve, ever the romantic, turned to Lex with a sigh. “You know, Lex, despite your…quirks, I truly love you.”
Luthor grinned. “Life is never boring with me, my darling,” he said, pulling her into a passionate embrace.
Meanwhile, back on the Daily Planet, Lois was about to board the helicopter for her trip to Metropolis International Airport to greet Air Force One. But as the chopper took off, a loose cable snapped, causing the helicopter to spin wildly out of control. It crashed through the Planet’s helipad control shed and ended up precariously hanging over the edge of the building.
Chaos erupted below. People screamed and ran for their lives. Lois, hanging on for dear life, was slowly slipping out of the broken helicopter, her seatbelt the only thing keeping her from falling.
And then, amidst the pandemonium, Clark Kent emerged from the Daily Planet. He spotted a yellow rain hat lying on the sidewalk – a hat Lois had been wearing earlier. He looked up and saw the dangling helicopter. As everyone around him fled, Clark stood his ground. He ran to a nearby building, ripped open his shirt to reveal his red and blue emblem, and then, with a blur of motion, transformed into…Superman!
Superman leaped into the air, just as Lois let go of her seatbelt. He caught her effortlessly, carrying her to safety. He then snatched the dangling helicopter with one hand and gently placed it back on the helipad.
“Who are you?” Lois asked, breathless, looking at the magnificent stranger.
“A friend,” Superman replied with a knowing smile, before disappearing into the night.
This was only the beginning. Superman would go on to save the day countless times. He stopped a cat-burglar using giant magnets to scale the Solow Building, rescued a boatload of bank robbers from the river, rescued a cat from a tree, and even saved Air Force One from a lightning strike. He also, in a moment of pure superhero whimsy, saved a woman’s car from crashing and then, after dropping her off at her apartment, decided to stay for a bit…
All the while, Lex Luthor, watching the news reports, was plotting his revenge. He was determined to destroy everything Superman stood for. He saw this newcomer as a personal challenge, an insult to his own criminal empire. He even had Eve, now wearing a skimpy bikini, model for him as he plotted.
Perry White, meanwhile, had declared a full-scale investigation into the mystery of the “flying whatchamacallit,” as he called him. But Superman, in a move that was both charming and utterly reckless, sent Lois a note inviting her out to dinner.
Their date was a whirlwind of awkward encounters, daring escapades, and a surprising amount of flirting. Lois, ever the inquisitive journalist, couldn’t resist asking Superman about his origins. He told her he was born on the planet Krypton in 1948 but was sent to Earth as a baby when his planet exploded.
“And what about your powers?” Lois asked. “You can fly, you can see through walls, you’re practically indestructible…what else can you do?”
“Well, I can also see through clothes,” Superman winked, using his x-ray vision to look beneath Lois’s dress.
“Oh, you naughty boy!” Lois giggled.
Afterward, Superman, enchanted by her charm, took Lois on a thrilling flight over Metropolis, showing her the sights of the city from above. It wasn’t long before Lois, mesmerized by Superman’s charm and his impressive physique, found herself falling for the “super” in Superman.
Their date ended with a kiss on the balcony of Lois’s apartment. Lois, smitten, declared him a “true super man,” and, later, in her front-page story, she revealed her thrilling night with the city’s mysterious savior: “I Spent the Night with Superman.”
Luthor, reading the article, was intrigued. He recalled a scientific theory he had once read: Superman’s home planet was made of a unique molecular structure that was affected by the radiation of a yellow sun. Meteorites from Krypton, when they landed on Earth, would also emit a strange radiation that would only affect Kryptonians.
Luthor, driven by his insatiable need to dominate, decided to put his theory to the test. He had his henchmen steal a green meteorite that had been unearthed in Ethiopia.
Luthor’s other grand scheme involved two nuclear cruise missiles with multi-megaton warheads that were scheduled for a test launch. Luthor planned to use the missiles to pull off the greatest real estate swindle in history. He intended to detonate the missiles near the San Andreas Fault, collapsing the Western coastline of the United States into the ocean. This would make his secretly purchased desert land, now seemingly worthless, worth billions. The second missile, he planned to launch at Metropolis as a distraction.
Luthor’s gang went to work, intercepting the missile convoys and reprogramming their directional vectors.
Days later, Clark, sitting in his apartment, was suddenly bombarded by a piercing signal. It was Lex Luthor, transmitting on a frequency only he could hear.
“You have two hours, Superman,” Luthor’s voice crackled through the receiver. “Or I will unleash a deadly poison gas that will wipe out this entire city!”
Clark, heart pounding, quickly excused himself from his colleagues and leaped out the window. Transforming into Superman, he followed the signal to a deserted street. He drilled a hole in the ground and found himself face-to-face with Luthor’s ultimate weapon: a gauntlet of destruction.
First, a wall of machine guns fired at him. Superman barely blinked. Then came a wall of fire. Superman simply flew through it. Finally, a wall of liquid nitrogen shot forth, freezing the surrounding area. Again, Superman was unharmed. He stormed into Luthor’s lair, demanding to know about the poison gas.
“The gas is a hoax, Superman,” Luthor laughed. “But I have a far bigger surprise for you.”
Luthor explained his elaborate plan to destroy the West Coast, revealing that the missiles were already launched. Superman, sensing a trap, noticed a lead box and assumed it contained Luthor’s detonator. But when he opened the box, he was hit by a wave of weakness. It was a piece of Kryptonite, carefully fashioned into a chain necklace. Luthor grinned, draping the necklace around Superman’s neck.
“I’m afraid I’ve got you right where I want you, Superman,” Luthor said, his voice dripping with smugness. “Metropolis is the target of my second missile. And now, I’m going to make sure you’re not around to stop it.”
Luthor, however, had forgotten one crucial detail: Eve Teschmacher’s mother lived in Metropolis. While Luthor was busy watching the missiles’ trajectory, Eve, in a desperate plea, convinced Superman to save her mother’s city. She jumped into Luthor’s pool, where Superman was struggling to break free from the Kryptonite’s grip. She pulled the necklace off, restoring Superman’s powers.
Reunited with his powers, Superman did what any right-minded, and slightly horny, superhero would do – he had sex with Eve in the pool. He then blasted through the ceiling of the lair and flew towards the West Coast at supersonic speed.
Superman intercepted the Metropolis missile, throwing it into space, where it exploded harmlessly. The second missile, however, hit the San Andreas Fault, triggering a massive earthquake that shook the entire West Coast. It was a cataclysmic event, a nightmare reminiscent of Krypton’s destruction. But Superman, with the strength of a thousand suns, was undeterred. He flew beneath the Earth’s crust, stabilizing the land, and rescuing countless people caught in the chaos.
Back in Metropolis, Luthor and Otis were preparing to throw Eve into the pit with the “babies.” Superman swooped in, saving Eve and reminding Luthor that Miss Teschmacher’s mother was sending her love.
With his mission accomplished, Superman flew to Metropolis’ maximum security prison, where Luthor and Otis were being escorted away. The prison warden, impressed by Superman’s heroics, thanked him for his service.
“It was nothing,” Superman said modestly. “We’re all just doing our part for society.”
As Superman flew back to Luthor’s lair, he found Eve, in her lingerie, waiting for him in bed.
“Come and get me, Superboy…” she whispered.
And with a mischievous grin, Superman, the man of steel, the champion of justice, the defender of Metropolis…well, you get the picture, went to bed with Eve.
This was just another day in the life of Superman – a day filled with danger, excitement, and an abundance of…well, you know. And it was only the beginning. The city was safe, for now. But with Lex Luthor still alive, the story was far from over.
